1. |
Up Yours
01:01
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Mistakes have got my focus high & dry. Concerned with what I'll do before I die. It's tough to rely on hope when uncertainty is all that I know.
Where am I gonna go tonight? I'm looking to find myself because I can't stand not knowing any longer if how I've been livings alright. I'm looking everywhere, in all of the nooks and crannies.
I'm sure my purpose is somewhere close nearby.
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2. |
Fool's Paradise
02:37
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Traveling is my fancy. Getting away is my cup of tea. Because I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna be here anymore.
Brand new activities seem to get old as soon as I'm used to them because subconsciously I think I don't like being good at functioning.
Lately location's got the best of me. I've lost my will to live I'm not ok. I just wanna reside in a place where the bathrooms don't smell like piss.
City life has been calling me or really anywhere different. My environment is going to be what makes me somebody because I'm sick of being no one and it'd be sick to be seen as someone.
I could live without that sarcastic tone of yours. I could live without you. I'd be fine without you. I could live with a casket for a home as long as I'm without you. I don't want to be here anymore.
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3. |
Smell Ya L8R
01:52
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Lyrics written by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince
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4. |
Moralistic
03:44
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Rise & Shine. Today is our day. We'll get our laptops out and preach about change and everything wrong with the world. It's a shithole but we think we can fix it. We're so lost and so separated. We want friends but we don't care about names until they're famous. And we'll whine and we'll complain when they say they don't remember those days when we were friends. Yet we won't attempt to prevent it.
We won't take the blame for our faults.
We refuse to be held responsible.
We'll reject the truth if we feel we need to.
It's reassuring to know that we're living life guilt free.
I'm better than you. I'm not judgmental. I'm not conceited. I'm just so much better than you. I can't stand hypocrites. I can't stand hateful fucks. But if you don't have a tumblr I don't know why you're alive.
Whoa oh god knows that something's wrong.
God knows there's something wrong with the things that we focus on.
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5. |
Planet of Fortune
03:54
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I'm breezing through life but to me this feels like a curse. My spirit is restless; wonderlust without a cure. They say that it's a gift of providence that luck protects me. I'm losing my confidence so slowly. And it seems like all my friends are suffering. But there's nothing I can do but watch them.
They say that there's a god.
They say that there's a god.
I'm trying my best to take the pain you feel away but existing is cold when death is all we await. I'm told that it's a privilege to live on this planet of fortune. I'm losing my grip and I feel like such a burden. Where is his unconditional love? I'm so sick of hearing it's visible above.
They say that there's a god.
They say that there's a god.
But I don't see him. All I see is torture and pain. Children born into hate and you call it predestination, How can you speak of truth? How can you speak of his will? To me that shit's fictious but to you it's your testimate. I'll be alone in the world until there's nothing left of it.
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6. |
February's
03:16
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Oh where have you gone my awareness? You've settled for unintelligence. Longing for a safeguard in anything. I fell for you too easily.
I'm dumb. I feel so dumb. I feel so fucking stupid. You said I'd always be the one and I chose to believe it. I couldn't see through it.
Blocked by a false sense of sincerety. Love is thrown around like nothing and I thought I felt something. But it was just your knife in my back. I didn't expect that. And looking back I'd say I barely knew you. I bet you'd say the same. How could I fall so hard for the person who never cared? You are garbage and I am dumb.
I feel so dumb. I feel so fucking stupid.
You said I'd always be the one and I
chose to believe it I couldn't see through it.
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7. |
Hanny Mow Grillimeters
01:51
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Another night in this room surrounded yet so alone. I don't know if it's an issue of self esteem or if I'm just not social. Learning names don't mean shit and all their faces are no different. I'm not sure what it is but at times my silence is screaming I can't fit in. The expressions on my face are completely transparent. And making new friends makes me feel uncomfortable.
Dosing my days away, up all night, I am nocturnal.
Can't find the words to say Communications a ten foot hurdle.
And I never had time in high school to learn how to get off of the ground. Instead I perfected how to speak without making a goddamn sound because half the shit that comes out of my mouth is fucking obsolete so writing became my option when I was feeling fucking week. Which was happening often because I am constantly overheating.
I'm sorry I just don't see myself succeeding when my character is incomplete and my emotions defeat me too easily. I'll do my best to better this aim for improvement.
I'll do my best to better this aim for improvement.
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8. |
Wet Stoges
02:59
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I used to care about getting things done and being ambitious. Now my conscience is non-existent. Simply robotic, flawed without intendment. A cup of coffee that's too cold to drink. Why don't you heat me up? A pack of cigarettes that got left in the rain. You might as well throw me out. Because I'm up and I'm out and I'll scream and I'll shout that I'm going back to who I once was. And maybe I'll get myself to care about getting things done again. I'll find my direction this time, with persistence. My mind is set and it's the only chance I have left. I won't fuck this up. Reminded of how hard it is to compete with apathy. I'm torn between caring and not caring enough. And I'll keep saying it till I'm dead "Man life is just so tough." When my mind's thinking of this it makes me feel bummed. I'm bummed. I'm getting bummed like wet stoges. I'm bummed like wet stoges.
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9. |
Yawn
04:06
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You'd think that overthinking would lead to a solution when instead it just erects more questions. I'm worried I've got a fetish for confusion. Like the only way to get off now is when I'm lost. Then again, when am I not? The only place I'm headed is a fucking hole. So why would I prevent it when I'd rather be dead? I'd rather be dead. I'm unimpressed with my generation and I'm sad I'm a part of it. But I'm just as bad as them. I don't have the heart for this.
No passion. No action. I am insignificant.
About as useless as a truckload of dead rats at a tampon factory. I'm not worth anything. As worthless as a mime at a social gathering so don't waste your time on me. I'm the essence of halfheartedness. I've never known sympathy I never had interest. I'm spiritless. I'm asleep. Because reality doesn't excite me. Just the thought of being extinct.
I'm unimpressed with my generation and I'm sad I'm a part of it. But I'm just as bad as them I don't have the heart for this.
No passion.
No action.
I am insignificant.
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10. |
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Is it the breeze that grants life to the trees? Is it a gift from the world around them or just the result of their roots in the ground? It's strange noticing the connections between life and death. Every pro has its con. The trees grow then they're gone. Oh it's strange. There's a reason behind everything whether we know it or not. Does the heat make you cold? Does the snow keep you hot? A small step will cause an earthquake while the shifting of the plates remains unrelated. We're confused with such a variety of emotions, never really knowing if we make the right choices. It's strange. Like how people handle problems. An aunt dealing with her husband for years so she drank away all those problems letting the handle hold her. Helping her through her marriage, but doing nothing for her health. Alcohol wouldn't hide the thoughts at night so the doctors thought that ambien might and one night after a fight she chose to forget it over 6 glasses of wine. She decided it was time to rest. She took the ambien and went to bed but instead of waking up there she found herself in a prison cell. Turns out she slept walked after laying in those sheets. She got into her car and hit a mother down the street along with her daughters. One was 18 months old and though all three of them lived the accident took its toll. A young child suffering severe brain injuries. The one who caused this never wished it she just couldn't see. All she wanted was a way to cope. She just needed an escape. Her only fault was trying to sleep. We're all just trying to do our best but no matter what decision someone always gets burnt in the end.
CONTRADICTIONS. WE'RE ALL CONTRADICTIONS.
Pessimistic views have overruled existence as I know it. I've focused on the bad with no excuse to believe in good. It's all around me, and it all makes sense but it's strange. You can't define good without knowing the meaning of evil. It's strange, and it confuses me everyday, yet at the same time, it all makes sense to me. This exasperate self-perpetuating struggle that I call my life is now the reason why I want to die. And the day that these feelings stop will be the day that the wolves fall away.
Goodbye.
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11. |
Howard Bennett
07:04
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Human nature in its simplest form is complication. It's a complex combination of moments and wagers staked on uncertain adventures where we learn from experience either to avoid similar incidents or welcome them once again for that feeling of pleasantness. The warmth of our bodies isn't enough to comfort them so we search for others in hopes of confronting the loneliness. As if we can't even function without at least one persons substance and it's clear we need other but we're so quick to make assumptions.
So quick to point out differences and division is persistent when we're afraid to brave more bruises. Love becomes a burden when we realize we could lose it and movement becomes worthless when your world has been made off.
I remember when I had someone I took them for granted and it wasn't till after she was gone till I realized what I did. I made myself a planet with no fucking star to orbit and it's all my fault because for a moment I wanted this. Well we get what we deserve, and I got regret. We reap what we sow, which explains why I'm alone and even though I fucking hate it this is the life I chose. A life on my own with nowhere to go and no one who knows what I'd do for a home.
A person or a place where I could say my heart is and I've been trying my hardest to get over what I did but that's not enough to cure the guilty minded. I've been forbidden to seclusion due to my conscience's misguidance. Human nature's complications have left me cold and dying.
But god knows what I chose.
and god know I'm alone.
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DASTARD
Dastard is currently in the process of a drastic change in direction. Stay tuned.
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